I am still kicking. The myspace has taken most of my blog energy. Anyone interested in the other can find me at

I know I've not been updating since forever. Lots has been happening, but I am keeping the myspace current. Oh Well. Bad. Bad. Bad.

I was just reading some things on the internet and came across some news that Alan Rickman was recently in Oregon doing something with My Name is Rachel Corrie. I think that it is a stage play. Awesome. I don't know how to say it except that the man is top-notch, and I adore him. He is a talented performer, and I quiver when I see him as a bad guy. The thrills I get are, shall we say, unmentionable at best? Hmm?

This afternoon the younger girls and I went to see Baba play his normal Sunday game. Sister Cheryl came to watch her husband, too, so we sat in the shade together. It was effing hot today, unseasonably so. I invited them for iftar tomorrow, so that should be good. I'm going to be making some grilled chicken and vegtables with rice and tabloui. For desert, I've got some fruits, both fresh and frozen to throw in the blender with some yogurt for some killer smoothies. They'll be nice in some goblets with a sprig of fresh mint on top. There's something about Ramadan that makes you ultra plan foooooood!

I was going to go the Egyptian route, but we had falafel with the works yesterday, and I cannot stand moulikhia. If I were starved, and had to look at moulikhia in the face, I'd sooner eat grass right out of the ground, roots and all. Moulikhia reminds me of a sneeze gone wrong into your bowl, sopped up with bread or rice. Bleh!

Well, well, well. It's Ramadan again, third fasting day as the moon goes. This Ramadan seems to be going nicely thus far. The years in the past I have stuggled hugely with the cigaratte issue during times of fast. I will readily admit that there were always a day wherein the struggle was so bad that i broke down and had a smoke. The hold them things had on me were in the pimp-daddy range. Me loved them long time. They didn't love me back.

Here I sit, having broke my fast for this day, and it was such an ease  for me in comparison that I cannot even begin to explain the difference between a smokers fast and a nonsmokers fast. Alhamdulilah.

I have almost always face breaking the fast alone. I think I would miss the communal end of each day's fasting if it were not for the fact that I despise all of the things that go along with it. Gossip, mischief mongering, and just plain rudeness are all things that break my spirit down to a great extent. Even now, when I am at my most personally confident phase of my life, and not truly caring what people think of me, I think that being around those elements of "community" are unhealthy for me.  I guess all is well anyway, since it comes to mind that I can't recall the last invitation that I got from anyone, save my sweetheart Fatemh, who tickles the soul of me. We can get down and dirty with one another, and still leave each other with sincere longing to see one another again. By down and dirty, I mean that I can hear things from her that are sincerely intended for my benefit though I may not like them, and I know that she does not intend to break me down as a human being, but really cares that I always be my best person. If she says to me, "Z, that was rather bitchy of you," I take it like the bitch I am being and love her just the same. At the end of each occassion, I feel valued and at the same time make it a point to let her know that I value her. This goes beyond friendship, this is sisterhood. There was a time when I thought that friendship was like the ultimate stage of relationships with people, and being on that list was something that I feared being kicked off of. But now, the me now, says that if I were ever truly given a position of worth with someone, then I should have never feared being so quickly out of graces, or so easily forgot and pushed aside.  A friend may include you to be worthy to be on a list, but doing so only means that youre continually evaluated, judged, and either being approved or disproved of everyday.

There is a saying that I really love:

A believer is someone with whom your are safe from their tongue.

 

And my addition to this, and perception of this, is that the tongue causes big harm, and leaves wounds that may never heal.

 

Ramadan Mubarak!

And mind your tongue!

 

Mel Gibson is crucified anyway. Imagine that.

 

 

MSN poll below.

 

 

 

 

Will you boycott any new Mel Gibson projects because of his alleged anti-Semitic remarks?   * 164868 responses
	Yes. He is dead to me 23%
	No. I will still judge the films on their merits 77%
Not a scientific survey. Click to learn more. Results may not total 100% due to rounding.

As`ad Abukhalil is an awesome all-around guy. Very knowledgable in Middle Eastern affairs. Love listening to him or seeing him on Democracy Now! Plus, we share the same favorite food, fried eggplant. That alone would redeem any short-comings (only some one passionate about eggplant would know).

 

A site that I began visting after researching the death of American nonviolence activist Rachel Corrie, whose precious life was mown down as if a weed in the way.

 

Is a site that I have been reading for a few days after hearing it referred to on LINKtv.

 

 

 

The bleeding heart pro-lifers really, really get to me. Let me first say that I don't believe that abortion is a good thing. I have had 3 miscarriages, and 6 children to prove it. I could never, ever kill an unborn child and live with my conscience. At the same time however, I don't think that I have the right to tell someone else how they ought to make decisions in their life. I say abortion is wrong, and to create a life by negligent actions only to then put out that light of life because it is inconvenient for you is at the very least an indication of a very deep ugliness and selfishness. Beyond disagreeing with the action though, I don't for one second think that I have a right to intrude and inject my thinking into the life of some one else. It is an area where hands can be stayed, unlike, for example, child abuse. 

Bush is another animal altogether. He can sit within the same 24 hour day and allow the lives of innocent people to be destroyed and displaced, with blatant disregard for international law, and then sit and say that the life of an embryo is untouchable and give an embryo the value of a veto. I have an idea for you, Bush:

Use Lebanese and Iraqi embryos.

With my idea, Bush, you can both allow the deaths of Arabs, and save the lives that really matter to you.

 

 

So, I'm reading CNN's webs site and they're taking this poll about whether or not Israel is justified doing what they are doing to Lebanon.

How stupid this poll is, I can't even explain.

Ok, so they say that Hizbullah captured 2 IDF soldiers. Ok, check, I got it. Now, they want for me to say that it is OK to displace 900,000 people, bomb an entire city and other areas of Lebanon, and completely destroy the infrastructure of Lebanon. Did I miss something here? I'm not even figuring in that hundreds of Lebanese people have been killed, and of those hundreds less than 5 were actually Hizbullah soldiers. I don't even think that the equation should include the questionable reports that Hizbullah fired first, because even if they did, the response from Israel is grossly disproportionate to the crime.

No one can say that I am antisemitic either. I not only know Jewish people, I genuinely enjoy thier company. I wish them well, and pray for God to protect them. I look at everyone as a human being, and my principles don't change according to who a victim is, or where they are from, or what they believe. Besides that, I am married and have 5 children from a man who is from semitic ethnic stock. That makes me a semitic lover, so there.

To bomb a country and it's people back to the stone age is not an acceptable response on any moral level. It is particularly disturbing to me that the justification is that two IDF soldiers were taken. The typical thing for those two countries to do is to exchange prisoners.

Disturbing.

 

More... I'm listening today to the news from various sources, tv, radio, people, "The Israelis have  entered  Lebanon." ENTERED, not INVADED. I'm thinking, did someone invite them to tea? You ENTER a place where you're invited, or a place that has an ENTRANCE/WELCOME sign. When you're flying fighter jets, dropping bombs, destroying a place, and come carrying weapons, YOU-ARE-INVADING that place.

Don't insult the intelligence of people and change the complete meaning of words to make yourself feel clean.

I was supposed to have everything done to the house by June so that we could list it with an agent. Not done. I'm still caught up though, in my own way. I've done everything that I can do by myself. The rest I'll need help with, and I've made no secret of that to anyone. IF, if they all really want to make the move south, they'll have to make time and pitch in.

 

We took the trek south to the in-law's place yesterday. Everything went well except we didn't finish the cooking until 10:45 and finally had the food set to eat at 11. I will never eat so much so late again. Starving would be more comfortable. I was effing hungry though 'cuz it had passed 12 hours since I'd eaten. The men watched the Germany/Italy World Cup game. They DVRed it, and almost saw the whole thing again before going out and playing soccer. Completely hopeless soccer nuts, the lot of them.

 

On another note, a friend of mine is passing the year mark of having lost her oldest son. I've been sending thoughts her way weighed down with hopes for goodness and ease in pain of loss.

 

 

 

 

I've been writing this and adding to/taking away from it for days now. Even with all that I have drafted, I still feel that it's not getting my point across. It feels a bit futile to say the least, but I still think that I have to say what I think in order to sleep better at night.

 

 

 

I can't think of anyone who doesn't consider peace in the world and how it can be achieved. All the problems seem so deep and ingrained that peace appears to not be given permission to abide in the same space. Forgiveness would be ideal, to be sure. However, hurts can be powerful forces in our behavior, and they sometimes cannot be healed in order to be overcome. Also, the Golden Rule is perfect in theory, but the practice of it in these days kind of paints one as a coward. Day to day life for so many consists of vengeance for jagged, gaping wounds. Often people do this even on the smallest of levels without knowledge of their own reasons of pain. The world is filled up with angry, hurting people who misdirect blame, and create their own realities to justify everything they do without really getting to the true source. That is neither here nor there, but I felt compelled to go on that tangent for some reason. I must admit, too, that it felt extremely therapeutic to get that out.

My idea:

Consider for a moment that you live in an area that is hostile, violent, and torn. It doesn't matter for the moment whose side you agree with in any given hypothetical location. What matters most is that the objective is to make peace and a tolerable living condition for both sides.

Think on how you want your children to live and be educated to make better lives for themselves. Think on how you'd like to see that your kids are safe on their way to school or play. And how you'd like to see them not have to worry about becoming victims of anything. While you're hoping for these things for your own family, assume that those you fight with have a very high probability of wanting the exact same things for their families.

I want you to accept the possibility that not every single person on the other side wants to fight against you or deprive you of what you consider to be your rights.

If all people on both sides would treat the other side, it's people, it's land, it's properties as if they belonged to their own children there may be progress to change. Better yet, if huge numbers of parties on both sides decided to send their children to the other side for education, living with a host family; and be active in bettering the communities where their children were, think of how many people would decide that causing damage wouldn't be an option.

See, we have to think of the world in terms as our home on a collective level. If Bush expresses an intention regarding another country, he should be required to send his children there to make plain his intentions are clearly good. In this way, the Golden Rule in his ideas would have to be present. Insuring the welfare of his own children would make him insure the welfare of all children in that area.

If people don't show any care for the need in the world to treat others with dignity and kindness, then the rest of us should require it of them via rules that make it happen by default. If our children lived in a bad area, let alone an area where there was a war yesterday, today there would be some sense of security if we could help it. There would be flowers planted in the gardens, trails with trees for leisure walks, parks with swings and slides to play on, and a McDonalds with a play center to sneak in some play at lunch. School buses would run on time and arrive at a school where kids could learn in safety, and in an environment that values them for what they can contribute in the future for the good of all. They would learn in school that it wasn't that long ago that it was a good thing to tear down walls when people were being treated badly, not build them. They would learn that Dr. King had a dream, and that John Lennon asked us to imagine all the people living life in peace. They'd learn that it was in the days of our ignorance that Rosa Parks was persecuted for a seat on a bus. The children would learn in school that we acted hastily to lock up all the Japanese and they would question why it is that even though China is a communist country, half of the things presently in their house came from there.

 

On the issue of the building a wall between the USA and Mexico, we have to look at it in the best way for humanity.

Borders are needed for the purposes of security. Whether we recognize it or not, we each have our small borders, even in the communities in which we live. We either have a fence, a marker, or at the very least a lock on our door to keep out those who are uninvited into our realms. These kinds of borders are needed. But the borders that I see being fostered are those that separate us as human beings, or cause us to think of other human beings as unlike us; and these are the borders that have caused bloodshed throughout our common human histories. When we view those beyond our borders as taints, as blemishes, as blights on our soil, we have truly learned no lesson of human injustices past. When we feel superior and give ourselves permission to accept this type of mindset's existence, then we also give permission for this mindset to exist against us.

 

How to solve the world's problems are not only the responsibilities of those in the lime's light to do it. It begins in each and every home and takes root in how we treat one another in the small scope, and in the larger one how we give permission to ourselves to make it an OK thing to think lowly of another human being based simply on their location of birth. Even if that birth is right here but on what is thought to be the wrong side of town.

 

When we show a face of superiority to others, we should always be mindful that the same face may be looking at us one day.

 

I think often of how enemies of one another use methods to drench the populous in their own propaganda. Everytime I think of one side showing people pictures of dead babies and butchered people to make their point, I see that this is exactly what they want done to the other side. Mankind is most unkind.

 

My daughter from college is home for the summer. She'll be taking some courses through the summer, but they will be local, cheaper, and shorter. My son turned 18 yesterday. We took him to Monterey's, a local Tex-Mex place. I took pictures of him, but my 15 year old went to San Antonio for the weekend with school, and she took my digital camera with her. Dern it.

I played tennis for an hour and 40 minutes yesterday. I fell and got court-burn on my hand, a bruise on my hip, and wounded pride throughout my person. It was good though. I played a game of doubles with my husband, Sarah, and Katy. I won, of course. I say, I , because Katy is real good in the area within a racket-swing radius around her. The rest of our side of the court was mine. She was tired though, I'll give her that. The poor dear went to sleep at 3 AM and woke at 6 AM, so her excuse was valid. When we play again though, as is planned later today, she'll have no good excuses because she slept until 11:40 this morning.

My husband is pretty good, but tends to serve too hard and knocks the ball out often. Something related yet not, I want some pink tennis balls. My racket is a pink HOPE racket. My purchase of it benefitted breast cancer awareness. I've also been sporting my pink rubber bracelet thingie for the same cause. I'm not sure, but I think NIKE designed some tennis shoes with the Nike and HOPE logos.

I didn't walk any yesterday because I was just having too much fun with our game. The day before yesterday though, I power-walked a mile and a half, and only stopped because my husband was talking on his damn cell phone for 1/4 of it. I hate cell phones really. We have 4 of them, and honestly I don't care at all when my son has mine most of the time.

My Deb is unpacking her car. She had to have her dorm key turned in yesterday, so she was tuckered out from loading everything into her little Acura yesterday. It was loaded to the gills even though she brought some things last weekend as well. I'm so glad she is home. She got some sort of certificate thing-a-ma-jig in the mail today for being a Collegiate Scholar something-or-other. She knows that she got an A on her Zoology Lab final, and that was her main concern for a while. I'm so proud of her.

It's so pretty outside! I just finished painting the front porch, and I'm going to go mix some concrete to put my flag pole in. Woo Hoo!

The front page of our newspaper has several pictures of Bush in Stillwater, OK. He spoke at commencement at Oklahoma State University. He actually grabbed a photo op holding a baby. The poor kid is crying, and looks to be in complete agony. I don't know which is worse, the story of a local man accused of raping an 8 year old, or Bush being in Oklahoma. The chances of the man raping the 8 year old being responsible for killing as many people as Bush has is slim to none.

In any case, my heart goes out to the little girl, who ever she may be. I am sure that Elijah Jackson Bohannon, who didn't deny raping you, but said that he must have done it in his sleep repeatedly, will face punishment by the community, and God, for what he done to you.

It may surprise some, but even normal Muslims consider this act inexcusable. I hope some comfort will come to you, at some time in the furture, when you find out and know what happens to men like that in prison. Let us just say that his preference for little girls will be accommodated only in his mind, while some one behind him says he is pretty.

The last two days I've walked a 25 minute mile around the High School track. You know, BHS has a really good track, but their field is shite. My legs smart a little while I'm going, but afterwards they feel great and alive. They're probably not believing the blood movement.

My 11 year old has been going with me since she has a track meet on Monday. I'll be able to go to her first event, but I'll likely have to run the store and have to leave before the second one.

School is almost finished!

 

 

I downloaded this cool thing, I dunno, maybe there are better ones, but anyway it gives me the days since I quit smoking, the number of cigaretts not smoked, and how much money saved from the quit date to present.

So, it says:

2 Weeks 48 minutes as a nonsmoker

$87.46 money not spent on cigarettes

421 cigarettes not smoked

 

Wooo Freakin' Hooo!

 

I'll just go now and have that celebratory nicotine lozenge...Which are EXPENSIVE. Hmmmm.

 

Today marking 2 weeks of no smoking, I begun the task of getting myself into shape. Since I stopped smoking, I've noticed loads of changes for the better. I used to get out of breath simply sitting down doing nothing, now I can do so much and feel good, as I mentioned before. Today I went to the High School track and walked a fast paced mile. As fast as I comfortably could anyway, which was almost 27 minutes for the mile. I hope to slowly get myself into a comfortable jog and increase my distance/endurance. I bought some weights and I'm doing some reps with my arms to get them a little more defined than marshmallows. Well, they aren't as bad as all that, but they are certainly not as good as they can and should be.

I'd actually love to get into some martial arts and meditation, for focus and firmness.

As far as diet is concerned, I think that we do pretty good when compared to the average family. We eat an abundance of vegetables, and we're total salad freaks. We have used nothing but extra-virgin olive oil since 1997. Recently we have added grapeseed oil since we found that it is even better than the olive oil. We don't load up on junk food either. I think having the store and being able to ship in fresh fruits and veggies has been a wonderful convenience. We rarely drink carbonated drinks, and there have been several years that one or other of my kids have sworn off pop altogether as a New Year's resolution, and they have admirably stuck to it.

I must admit that I drink probably a gallon of iced tea a day, winter or summer makes no difference in my thirst for it. I may drink a cup of coffee a week, but some weeks pass and I don't miss it. Some years back I drank an entire pot a day, a 12 cup pot at that. Something that my (nearing) 16 year old has started doing these past weeks is drinking Starbucks bottled coffee drinks every morning. I can't say that I like her choice, but it has to be better than the 16 teaspoons of sugar in the typical soft-drink serving. She does like an occassion glass of koolaide, too.

My college daughter is packing her things this week to move back home for the summer. She has done so well in college, and now she is getting as prepared as possible for the MCATS.  YEAH!

 

 

 

While I was at the store today, a shipment came in that my husband failed to tell me about. 2 pallets of stuff, just sitting in the back of the semi-truck delivering it, staring at me. I'm thinking, no freaking way can I do this by myself. Well, I did. And, I didn't get tired, and I was able to breath and it felt GOOD! A week ago I'd have never been able to do it for not being able to breath. I'd have been breathing out of my ass after the first 5 minutes, and turning blue without breath enough to say shit about shit. It makes me want to lift wieghts and run or some other such youthful activity. I was never able to get the feel-good-burn of work before. Dayam, me likes it!

As I type this, I am going on the 96th hour anniversary of being a non-smoker. It is really an hour by hour thing, which I think should be said rather than the one day at a time mumbo-jumbo. A whole day without a fix seems and seemed so impossible. But looking at it in my own way, to be successful, it is working. I cannot say that I don't want to smoke. I can say that I am CHOOSING not to. I feel completely drenched in self-control at this point. I never thought that I could quit, and always envied those that did. Already I breath so much better. When I take a breath in, I actually feel my body being oxygenated. It is hard to describe really. I mean, my mom smoked when she was pregnant with me, I grew up in smoke, I began smoking by 15 and was addicted to nicotine probably from conception.

I am doing some deep breathing excersizes, meditation, and asking my body to forgive me, and heal it's self. Of course, being a believer in God is playing as background music in all things.

Here is one I got from a sister's site.

 

meme'in it 

I am indeed a Muslim, and as most people know, we do not celebrate Easter with any sort of ritual festivities. I am, however, the daughter of Christian parents, and I do things with them within certain limits. When I first became a Muslim near 16 years ago, I was completely offended by anything vaguely unislamic. I suffered a form of convertitis that I have since been cured from,  but I do see others with the same telling syptoms. I don't think that I've eased up on religion as much as I've just genuinely accepted, embraced, that others have every much a right to believe and practice as they wish as I do.

 

I think that much of this growth in terms of my not having a problem with other beliefs and practices is largely due to so very many Muslims self-interpreting and doing what suited them at the end of the day, oft times opposing the very beliefs that they claim to be prepared to die for. I sometimes find it odd that I was fool enough to  honestly think that every Muslim must have been as concerned about propriety as I once was. People are people. And I find just as many good Muslims as not.

 

At some point this Easter, my daughters and son and I will read how the women in some parts of Europe will willingly allow themselves to be beaten in public by male members of their family, all so that it can be said that they are beauiful. Shortly thereafter they will be given tokens of eggs, to increase their fertility. Because, after all, what good are women if they are ugly and cannot bear children?

I say: Beat the men, then throw eggs at them. Explain that it is really for their benefit, and hey, our eggs are all pretty much just waiting around for action anyway. They may even eat the eggs, obtain protien, and possibly have healthier sperm counts and be more fertile. DUH!

 

I shall be amused greatly by the Easter Rabbit, as I always have been, regardless of present or past religion. An animal that we all refer to when discussing the sexual appetites of people, who screws it's self nigh unto death, will become a noble creature, likely virginal, and will scamper about tucking eggs into obscure places for the sheer glee of children finding them. Given the ravenous carnal yearnings of this creature, I always have wondered why men gift women with stuffed teddy bears for Valentine's Day, with chocolate. Perhaps it would stain the reputation of the famous Peter Cottontail if stuffed rabbits were given? No. Maybe not. Chocolate contains large quantities of phenylethylamine, a chemical that supposedly produces an amphetaminelike high. And, amphetamine addicts claim that being high on them is likened to a 4 hour orgasm.  Phenylethylamine is a chemical also associated with a feeling of being in love. I finally get it! The teddy bear is a DIVERSION!

 

Anyway, I had to rant about the smoked-screened, sheeped-out commercialization of everything.

Have fun with the eggs. I know I will. Heck, I have chocolate eggs!